"It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet." - Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000
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"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
Snapple Facts
#133 Honeybees navigate by using the sun as a compass.
Yo Mama ...
is so short she can play handball on the curb.
One Liners
Q: Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres almost drowned? A: She was found face down in Ricki Lake.
As many of you who are in the technical industry (or have anything to do with the internet) probably know, every few months there is the Internet World trade show held somewhere in the country. We here at Goofball.com had the privilege of attending the show at the Jacob Javitz Center on New York City’s west side. For you out-of-towners, that’s only a few blocks from the Port Authority Bus Terminal, outside of which where you can find the highest concentration of hookers in the city. That reminds me of another story that took place about fifteen years ago when I was driving down a street in that area and a voluptuous young woman who was standing practically in the middle of the street wearing nothing but a white teddy was waving at my car and ...
Well anyway, back to the event at hand. The four staffers of Goofball – Robnoxious, The Advisor, VirtualJul, and myself all met up and, after attending a meeting with an ad company we once did business with (who blatantly and purposely screwed us out of enough money to run our website for a year – but that’s another entire rant in itself), hit the show. It was the typical scene you get every time – sign in, get your little badges, walk onto the trade show floor, check out the booths paid for by the various players in the tech industry.
The top floor is always occupied by the high paying companies who can afford the huge display booths, high paid actors to represent their products, and give away the most expensive corporate memorabilia. Some of these companies have practically nothing to do with the Internet, but they’re always there – just to show you that they’re there. The lower floors are occupied by the smaller companies, doomed start up firms, and the (usually pretty interesting) foreign companies. There was a different feel to it this year however. Not all of the booths were even occupied. It seemed less packed with people than in previous years. There was a general feeling of desperation that pervaded the room downstairs. Let’s face it, financially speaking, this isn’t the time to be a small company trying to make it on an Internet pure play.
Goofball.com is surely in the same boat. In fact, we’re below the boat. At US $49.95 per square foot, we could not consider having out own booth. However, we attended the show with the goal to promote our website and give away goodies to people. VirtualJul worked the smoking crowd outside the convention center with our matchbooks.
VirtualJul also snuck into the "press only" area to drop off copies of our latest press release. The Advisor and I scouted an area to set up a temporary headquarters, occasionally dropping Goofball.com business cards into people’s bags while they weren’t looking.
Robnoxious seemed to truly be in his element. He worked the crowd with his usual charm. Once we found a place to "squat", we set up on a table to give away all of our wares. As I mentioned, we didn’t actually pay for the booth, but we attempted to make it our in the best way we could (sorry Hypercosm).
The Advisor and I struggled to get all of the giveaways out of the bags and bundle them together. Robnoxious and VirtualJul continued giving everything out as a large crowd began to form. It never ceases to amaze me how people will line up and wait packed together if they’re getting something for free. We were giving away Goofball.comdoms, matches, business cards, and the coveted Goofball whoopie cushions.
The crowd got pretty large, so large in fact, that our neighbor in the adjacent booth (who you’d think would be happy about all the people near her display) told us she was calling security on us. We quickly packed up our gear and moved on. I tried to keep the camera rolling as much as possible. We eventually ended up at another table set aside as a lounge area in the trade show floor. We set up shop again to the sound of Robnoxious telling people
"Don’t be silly, protect your willy. Use Goofball.comdoms!"
I even coaxed Robnoxious into a little silly stunt. He didn't want to at first, but he's too nice of a guy to say no. It came off okay, although he did end up having to go see his chiropractor a few days later. By the way, make sure you turn up the sound while checking out the video below ;-)
You guys crack me up!
(0 replies)
started by
cyclops7
(03.21.2001 10:41:38 PM EST)
It's stupid little stuff in life like this that keep me from puttin a bullet thru my brain, cause I'm just laughing too fuckin hard!
YOU ARE THE BEST
(0 replies)
started by
striggle
(03.04.2001 9:00:05 PM EST)
BEER GOOD, GOOFBALL BETTER!!!!!!
Yes goofball is better than beer, if you ask me(which you can't because you are at another computer somewhere in the world and if you could that would probably be stalking or some shit like that) that is the best compliment in the world!!!!!!!!!!! May you live long and prosper goofball!!!!!
this was great
(0 replies)
started by
SuicideKing
(02.25.2001 3:03:01 AM EST)
it's great to see you guys (and gal) just hanging out like friends...it seems weird to think of you as everyday people sometimes when you think hey these people have a website that is just so immensely huge...and then there's you, just friends having fun and getting into a little trouble..heh...makes me think back to the days when I was alive...yeah..**sigh**
Thats all great but....
(0 replies)
started by
glassjaw
(02.22.2001 8:36:54 PM EST)
Robnoxious! Where is my T-Shirt?
AHhhhHHhhHHh! I need it. I live for the arrival of this piece of cloth. I am a sad human being.
-311-
Hey
(0 replies)
started by
StreetImperial
(02.20.2001 6:52:57 PM EST)
I wanna know what happened with the whore in the white teddy
It's a beautiful day...now watch some asshole go fuck it up.
Dammit I want a playstation 2!!!
Thanks JSkills!
(0 replies)
started by
CherryLne
(02.20.2001 12:01:08 PM EST)
Great story indeed. And I know all too well about trade shows. Our company hauls the exhibits to them and they are costly. Some of these people spend millions of dollars at each trade show they go to! Must be nice to have that kind of money to blow. We usually haul a couple of exhibits to this particular show but for some reason we didn't this time. Just as well, Jacob Javits Convention Center is a nightmare for our drivers trying to get off loaded. Now about these condoms?!?!
~*CherryLne*~
Good Story Guys
(1 reply)
started by
b4i4qru18
(02.20.2001 0:55:34 AM EST)
now finish the one about the white teddy.
F.Lee Bailey, F. Murray Abraham, and F. Jackie.
Sounds like ........
(0 replies)
started by
Marvin
(02.19.2001 6:51:02 PM EST)
You all had a hell of a good time ! Now where can I get these goofball.condoms from ? Havent seen them on sale in the Goofball Chatroom lately ! LOL
8MB for that?!?
(0 replies)
  started by
edslife
(02.19.2001 6:03:29 PM EST)
That was an awfully short clip to be over 8MB! I wanted to see them calling security on you!
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