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Assorted Goofiness
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George W. Bush
 
"Do you have blacks, too?" - To Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001
 
 

Random Quote
 
Richard Dawson: "Name the first thing you take off after work". Contestant: "Ummmm. Underwear."
— as seen on the Family Feud.
 
 

Snapple Facts
 
#66 Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza a day.
 
 

Yo Mama ...
 
is so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
 
 

One Liners
 
Q. How do you get holy water?
A you boil the hell out of it.
 
 



32,781 articles November 21, 2008 557,299 postings



#!/usr/local/bin/perl $input_file = ""; $output_dir = "/mnt/web/guide/goofball/deadpool/files/"; $players_dir = "/mnt/web/guide/goofball/deadpool/players/"; $name_file = "person_data.txt"; $standings_file = $output_dir."standings.txt"; $master_file = $output_dir."masterfile.txt"; $url = "/deadpool/cgibin/deadpool.cgi"; $domain = "http://www.goofball.com"; $sysop_email = "coroner\@goofball.com"; $start_page = ""; #tournament_page.html"; require "../../cgibin/shared-lib.pl"; &create_standings; exit; ############################################################################ sub create_standings #10/15/97 12:21PM ############################################################################ { #print "Content-type: text/html\n\n"; open (FILE, "$master_file"); @LINES = ; close (FILE); my $entry_file = $output_dir.$name_file; open (FILE, "$entry_file"); @entries = ; close (FILE); foreach $line (@LINES) { $line =~ s/\n//g; if ( $line ne '' ) { push @results, $line; } } chdir($players_dir); #$ls = `ls $file`; $ls = `dir *.*`; @ls = split(/\s+/,$ls); foreach $temp_file (@ls) { if (-d $file) { $filename = "$file$temp_file"; if (-T $filename) { push(@FILES,$filename); } } elsif (-T $temp_file) { push(@FILES,$temp_file); } } foreach $data_file (@FILES) { open (DATA, $data_file); @LINES = ; close (DATA); my(@user_results); foreach $line (@LINES) { $line =~ s/\n//g; if ( $line ne '' ) { push @user_results, $line; } } open (RESULTS, ">>$standings_file"); $score = 0; $count = 0; $total_score = 0; foreach $item (@user_results) { #$item = s/\n//g; ($name,$score) = split(/;/,$item); if ($score) { $total_score = $total_score + $score; } } if (!($total_score)) { $total_score = 0; } print RESULTS "$total_score=$data_file\n"; } close (RESULTS); open (LIST, "$standings_file"); @LINES = ; close (LIST); print "Content-type: text/html\n\n"; my $body .= "
\n"; $body .= "

1999 DeadPool Standings:

\n"; $body .= "

(Select the Players Link to view Picks)

\n"; foreach $data (@LINES) { ($item,$junk,$junk2) = split(/=/, $data); push @score, $item; } @sortedlines = @LINES[sort (order (0..$#LINES))]; $body .= "\n"; $body .= "\n"; $rank = 1; $prev_score = 0; foreach $rec (@sortedlines) { ($score, $player) = split(/=/, $rec); foreach $entry (@entries) { ($name, $em) = split(/\|/, $entry); if ($player =~ /$em/ig) { $player = $name; last; } } $url_str = $url."?email=".$player; $url_str2 = "function=view"; $body .= "\n"; $body .= ""; $body .= "
RankPlayerScore
"; #we dont want to rank a person lower if they are tied for a place in the standings. if ( $score ne $prev_score ) { $body .= "$rank  "; } $body .= " $score[$a]; }

Top Goofs
 

1 Double Your Pleasure, Double Your ... 4.95
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4 Tits T-Shirt 4.77
5 Me and My Sitter 4.49
6 Where Are My Chips? 4.36
7 Who Needs A Head? 4.18
8 A Kodak Moment 4.02
9 Security Camera Mishap! 4.00
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Features
 

2008 Deadpool
Don't miss out ... If you are a Goofballer, it's free. If you are not ... become a Goofballer!
12.09.2007

Caption Contest - December 2006
Check out the silly picture below, give us a funny, witty, original caption and be in the running for a free ...
12.05.2006

 
 

Classic Goofs
 

1 Poolside Beauty 4.82
2 South Beach 4.68
3 Body Paint Lingerie 4.65
4 Depth Perseption Test 4.63
5 Inspirational 4.60
6 Stand Back 4.55
7 Why Men Hide The Remote 4.52
8 Fresh Jugs 4.48
9 Look At My Chest 4.39
10 Do You Have A Good Plan For Tonight? 4.34

 
 

Poll Results
 
Sarah Palin, really?
I am comfortable with her being Vice President and even President
She's the most underqualified VP candidate imaginable
It doesn't matter, I am voting for McCain no matter what
473 Responses
 
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Goofball Facts
 
Acrotomophilia is a sexual attraction to amputees.