Ted wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay except for one thing. The fact is, your willy was chopped off and we were unable to find it."
Ted groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we can build you a new willy, but it doesn't come cheap. It will cost $1000 an inch."
Ted perks up at this. So," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife.
If you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher she might enjoy it. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide to only invest in a five incher this time and keep the rest of the money, she might be disappointed."
Ted agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"
"I have," says Ted.
And has she helped you in making the decision?"
"She has," says Ted.
"And what is it?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting a new kitchen."
