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"And when we find children trapped in schools which will not teach and will not change, as a society we must demand something better, because there is no second-rate children in America." Source: Federal Document Clearing House, "Remarks by the President at Chris Chocola for Congress, and Indiana Victory 2002 Finance Dinner," Sept. 5, 2002
 
 

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The Mailman's Last Day

By: RobnoxiousPublished: 02/25/1999
 
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It was George's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge."All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Fuck him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."

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    ARTICLE FORUM LIST  

    You must register to participate in this discussion.
    2nd (0 replies)
    started by devilcow
    (11.24.2000 9:12:32 PM EST)

    ..

    THE COW OF THE DEVIL RULES OVER ALLL MMMMMMMMWWWWWWWWWUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

    Through Rain, Sleet, and Snow (0 replies)  
    started by howardstern
    (10.30.2000 6:36:30 PM EST)

    Did he bone her as slowly as he delivered the fuckin' mail every day?

    Blow me.

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    Goofball Facts
     
    In the game Monopoly, the most money you can lose in one travel around the board (normal game rules, going to jail only once) is $26,040. The most money you can lose in one turn is $5070.