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	George W. Bush
	"Jessica Simpson is here with us, which means we've finally introduced reality TV to the Lincoln Theater."—Bush, introducing the pop singer and reality TV star on March 14 at Ford's Theater in Washington (where Lincoln was shot). Source: Richard Leiby, The Washington Post, "Reliable Source," March 16, 2004

	Random Quote
	"I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly theprescription ran out." — Steven Wright, Comedian

	Snapple Facts
	#209 The largest pumpkin ever grown weighed 1,061 lbs.

	Yo Mama ...
	so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow.

	One Liners
	Q: What's the height of conceit? A: Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Most Recent
	Abe Lincoln A man wearing a stovepipe hat, a fake beard, and a ... 10.10.2008 The Urinal Is Too High A group of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders, accompanied by ... 10.03.2008 MY NEXT LIFE By George Carlin I want to live my next life backwards: You start ... 09.23.2008 Billy Bob In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides it's ... 08.18.2008

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One Year Ago
	A Wise Old Man An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend ... 09.14.2007 Do You Have A Good Health Plan? A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around ... 08.25.2007 Making Love In The VW Steve and Fiona were making passionate love in Steve's ... 08.18.2007 All Grandpas, Heed This WARNING: Do not lose your grandkids in the mall. A small ... 08.16.2007

Two Years Ago
	Old Lady And The Sex Shop A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly ... 10.08.2006 The One A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; ... 09.03.2006 If Only ... A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking Vegas hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the Hooker, "How much do you charge?" 08.25.2006 Quickie The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie ... 07.26.2006

Lookie Here!
	Al Franken : Why Not Me?

	Goofball Facts
	It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.