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George W. Bush
 
"There's an old saying in Tennessee—I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says: Fool me once, shame on [pause] shame on you. [Pause] Fool me [long, uncomfortable, agonizing pause] you can't get fooled again."Source: The Washington Post, "The Reliable Source," Lloyd Grove, Sept. 18, 2002
 
 

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"When I was in Boy Scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street."
— Steven Wright, Comedian
 
 

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#228 THere is a town in South Dakota named 'Tea'.
 
 

Yo Mama ...
 
so ugly when she was born her incubator windows were tinted.
 
 

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Q: What does Bill Clinton tell Hillary right after sex?
A: I'll be home in 15 minutes.
 
 


Secret Surgery

By: acidintervalPublished: 08/11/2009
 
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A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy.

Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself."

"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago."

"And what about the third rose ?" she asked.

"That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."

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