10 Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer
By: Anonymous Telemarketer	Published: 06/09/2000
10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." 9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary. 8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from. 7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?" 6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. 5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips. 4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger. 3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" 2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out!Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?" And first and foremost: 1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down Why not join the rest of us on the inside and get all of Goofball.com?
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WHAT (0 replies) started by kyleTHEpimp (11.26.2000 10:16:37 AM EST) when a telemarketer calls and they say their name and company act like you can't here them and say WHAT WHAT I CAN'T HEAR YOU! WAZZZZZZZUP this is your one and only KYLE THE PIMPSTER!!!

If the Cemetary calls... (0 replies) started by Anonymous Goofball (07.04.2000 6:38:59 PM EST) If you ever get one of those annoying calls from the cemetary, trying to sell you burial ground check this out. Tell them that all of this bad stuff has been hapening in your life IE: wife left you, dog was hit by a train, and the car blew up. Then go on to explain how you were contemplating suicide, and you just got done praying to god for a sign. Thank him for his help in your decision, and there ya have it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Could you hold on ... (0 replies) started by reindeer (07.01.2000 4:37:08 AM EST) As soon as you find out what they are selling, start to act really interested and ask questions about it. Now that they are sure that they have a sale, you interrupt them suddenly and act as if something just happened at your house and ask them if they could hold-on for a second. They WILL agree. You then set the phone down and ignore it until they hang-up. For added fun, you could keep a record log next to the phone to see who is the most persistant.

frustrated (1 reply) started by reindeer (07.01.2000 4:27:15 AM EST) I actually do this. Put my 5 year old daughter on so she can "Why?" them to death.

HERE'S ONE... (0 replies) started by assmasternumber1 (06.12.2000 10:04:58 AM EST) If you do have a caller i.d. and you see their "out of area" sh1t pop up, knock over the phone and act like you're fucking. Then out of nowhere say,"GADDAMNIT,WOMAN!!! NOT SO HARD, YOU ALMOST BIT THE DAMN THING OFF!!! FUCK YOU!!! No, not you, YOU! No, no, no, not you... all right, FUCKIT!!! FUCK YOU ALL!!!

this is what your really say (0 replies) started by Anonymous Goofball (06.11.2000 12:22:40 PM EST) if you have caller i.d most telemarketers will show up as out of area on the i.d so instead of picking up teh phone and acting like you live in your house ive pick it up and you say "Richies Morgue located in East Harlem New York you snuff 'em we stuff 'em" and then they will most likely hang up.

4th (0 replies) started by Anonymous Goofball (06.10.2000 2:50:00 PM EST) Hmm...fourth? This is the furthest up Ive ever been. My mom would be so proud....:p

Here's one... (0 replies) started by OliverClozoff (06.09.2000 11:42:03 PM EST) If it's a chick, ask her what she's wearing... ;o)

got this in an email 2 weeks ago (0 replies) started by Anonymous Goofball (06.09.2000 9:26:07 PM EST) little slow, boys, FIRST

Haha, those rule!! (0 replies)   started by SuicideKing (06.09.2000 12:47:42 PM EST) Telemarketers suck, the other day this one called and asked if I was the man of the house, and I played dumb and acted like I was retarded til the guy let me go..heh

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