**You wake up face down on the pavement.
**You put your bra on backward and it fits better.
**You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
**You see the Roger Cook news team waiting in your office.
**Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
**Your son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.
**You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
**You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
**Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
**You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.
**Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the motorway.
**Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
**Your boss tells you not to bother removing your coat.
**The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
**You wake up and your braces are locked together.
**You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.
**You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.
**Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
**Your income tax check bounces.
**You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
**Your pet rock snaps at you.
**Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.
Love the country, live to pee outside!
