Search
 


Advanced Search
 
Entire Site

Goofball Login

Username:

Password:

Remember Me?

»Preview
» Why Register?
»Register Now!
» Renew Now!
» Who's Online Now
» Log In Trouble?

 

Assorted Goofiness
College Humor
BakerMedia
Busted Tees
EHOWA
Fark
JokeDump
Mike's List
Ogrish
Zfilter

George W. Bush
 
"I'm so pleased to be able to say hello to Bill Scranton. He's one of the great Pennsylvania political families." - Drexel Hill, Penn., Sept. 15, 2003
 
 

Random Quote
 
"I move, Mr. Chairman, that all fire extinguishers be examined ten days before every fire."
— City councilman during debate
 
 

Snapple Facts
 
#54 The average smell weighs 760 nanograms.
 
 

Yo Mama ...
 
is so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!
 
 

One Liners
 
Q. Five policemen were on a boat. The boat sank. How many policemen died?
A. Ten. Five during the accident, and five during the re-enactment.
 
 


Vigilante Granny

By: AnonymousPublished: 07/27/2000
 
Save article to file cabinet Send to a Friend Print this out

March 2000, Melbourne, Australia -- Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the unsuspecting ex-cons down -- and shot their testicles off! "The old lady spent a week hunting those bums down -- and when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way," said admiring Melbourne police investigator Evan Delp. "Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the gun on the sergeant's desk and told him as calm as could be: 'Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God.'

Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth, 33, lost both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the seedy hotel room where he and former prison cellmate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up.

The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas' testicles to kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his mangled penis, police said. "The one guy, Thomas, didn't lose his manhood, but the doctor I talked to said he won't be using it the way he used to," Detective Delp told reporters. "Both men are still in pretty bad shape, but I think they're just happy to be alive after what they've been through."

The Rambo Granny swung into action after her granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped by two knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row. "When I saw the look on my Debbie's face that night in the hospital, I decided I was going to go out and get those bastards myself 'cause I figured the police would go easy on them," recalled the retired library worker. "And I wasn't scared of them, either -- because I've got me a gun and I've been shootin' it all my life." So, using a police artist's sketch of the suspects and Debbie's description of the sickos' car, tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days prowling the wino-infested neighborhood where the crime took place till she spotted the ill-fated rapists entering their flophouse hotel.

"I knew it was them the minute I saw 'em, but I shot a picture of 'em anyway and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as hell, it was them," the ornery oldster recalled. "So I went back to that hotel and found their room and knocked on the door -- and the minute the big one, Furth, opened the door, I shot 'em; got right square between the legs, right where it would really hurt 'em most, you know. Then I went down to the police station and turned myself in."

Now, baffled lawmen are tying to figure out how to deal with the vigilante granny. "What she did was wrong, but you can't really throw an 81-year-old woman in prison." Det. Delp said, "especially when all 3 million people in the city want to nominate her for sainthood."

March 2000, Melbourne, Australia -- Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the unsuspecting ex-cons down -- and shot their testicles off! "The old lady spent a week hunting those bums down -- and when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way," said admiring Melbourne police investigator Evan Delp. "Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the gun on the sergeant's desk and told him as calm as could be: "Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God."

Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth, 33, lost both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the seedy hotel room where he and former prison cellmate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up.

The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas' testicles to kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his mangled penis, police said. "The one guy, Thomas, didn't lose his manhood, but the doctor I talked to said he won't be using it the way he used to," Detective Delp told reporters. "Both men are still in pretty bad shape, but I think they're just happy to be alive after what they've been through."

The Rambo Granny swung into action after her granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped by two knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row.

"When I saw the look on my Debbie's face that night in the hospital, I decided I was going to go out and get those bastards myself 'cause I figured the police would go easy on them," recalled the retired library worker. "And I wasn't scared of them, either -- because I've got me a gun and I've been shootin' it all my life."

So, using a police artist's sketch of the suspects and Debbie's description of the sickos' car, tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days prowling the wino-infested neighborhood where the crime took place till she spotted the ill-fated rapists entering their flophouse hotel.

"I knew it was them the minute I saw 'em, but I shot a picture of 'em anyway and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as hell, it was them," the ornery oldster recalled. "So I went back to that hotel and found their room and knocked on the door -- and the minute the big one, Furth, opened the door, I shot 'em; got right square between the legs, right where it would really hurt 'em most, you know. Then I went down to the police station and turned myself in."

Now, baffled lawmen are tying to figure out how to deal with the vigilante granny. "What she did was wrong, but you can't really throw an 81-year-old woman in prison." Det. Delp said, "especially when all 3 million people in the city want to nominate her for sainthood."

Why not join the rest of us on the inside and get all of Goofball.com?

Related Links
  • Granny Video
  • DarwinAwards: Gun-Totin' Granny
  • Teknolgy Fer Contry Folks
  • One fingered wave
  • The New Viz Profanisauraus 2000
  • After all these years
  • Top ten signs your grandparents are still sexually active:
  • Top ten signs your grandparents are still sexually active:
  • Top ten signs your grandparents are still sexually active:

  • More Stupid News...

     

    Search
     
     
    This Section

    ARTICLE FORUM LIST  

    You must register to participate in this discussion.
    good stuff (0 replies)
    started by Anonymous Goofball
    (11.17.2000 11:50:33 PM EST)

    this should be the punishment for all rapists, don't send them to jail, just blow everything off. May I suggest dynomite?

    Hell Yeah (0 replies)
    started by chanor51
    (08.04.2000 11:32:41 PM EST)

    Rock on Granny, and to all you rapers out there ill see you in jail getting ass raped yourself.

    FUCKING YEAAAAAAA!!!!!! (0 replies)
    started by hardball
    (07.28.2000 9:56:58 AM EST)

    This is not a true story ,but if it was I would say that is the best form of reabilation I have ever read about.FUCK YOU LIBERALS WE NEED GUNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Gun's Gun's we need more Gun's, what for, to preserve freedom.

    Bogus (0 replies)
    started by RichardCranium
    (07.27.2000 10:39:15 PM EST)

    This was in Darwinsaward.com. As an uban legend. The police in Melbourne replied that there is no detective by that name and they were unaware of this happening.

    Richard Cranium

    nice story (0 replies)
    started by Albatros
    (07.27.2000 3:27:40 PM EST)

    yep, guns are illegal, and thats pretty bad that after the one guy got his balls blown off that the other didnt do anyhting and just sat there and got his nads shredded too, i mean, run dude. she's old
    and the story was good, but u didnt have to post it twice



    This place is FUBAR!

    FUCKING CRAP! (0 replies)
    started by NudeForSatan
    (07.27.2000 3:19:28 PM EST)

    What total and utter fucking crap! Crusty 81 year old grandmothers in downtown sunny Melbourne, Australia don't own 9mm handguns because they're fucking illegal unless you're issued a special permit ie. police, security, gun club member. The Australian government also banned all automatic and semi-automatic weapons in response to the actions of a psycho fruitcake named Martin Bryant, who shot 35 people dead at Port Arthur, Tasmania in 1996. The worlds worst peace-time massacre by a single gunman on record.

    OUTSTANDING (0 replies)
    started by PSEbowhunter
    (07.27.2000 5:44:06 AM EST)

    and all of these stupid ass liberals want to take our guns away. Great job granny!!!

    Great story... (0 replies)
    started by OliverClozoff
    (07.27.2000 1:23:52 AM EST)

    ...if it were true. All privately owned handguns in Australia were confiscated and destroyed. BTW, the original source for this story was that bastion of truth, /The Weekly World News/.



    Fellow, American Association of Amateur Gynocologists.

    kick ass (0 replies)
    started by hippie27
    (07.27.2000 0:24:31 AM EST)

    a grandma with a gun is pretty cool if you ask me. go grandma go

    Hooray for Granny (0 replies)  
    started by Anonymous Goofball
    (07.27.2000 0:16:11 AM EST)

    The rest of the worls should deal with things the way you did. Hopefully, it won't take 100 years for society to figure out that we don't really need pieces of shit like that in this world. God Bless You!!!!!!

    Goofball.com is not responsible for any content which individual users post. Goofball.com reserves the right to delete any content which it deems objectionable or in violation of any law or regulation.


    Most Recent
    College student files suit for $1.8M saying Las Vegas hooker didn't spend enough time with him
    A New York college student who claims a Las Vegas hooker did not spend enough time making him happy has sued ...
    01.21.2011

    Man Gets Probation For Deer Sex
    SUPERIOR, Wis. - A 20-year-old man received probation after he was convicted of having sexual contact with ...
    01.12.2011

    Want to Touch My Monkeys
    A man with a mysterious bulge under his T-shirt was stopped, searched and detained at Mexico City's international airport after authorities found 18 tiny endangered monkeys in a girdle he was wearing ...
    08.02.2010

    Woman Says Bowel Caused Alleged Shoplifting
    A woman arrested for shoplifting has blamed the crime on irritable bowel syndrome ...
    08.01.2010

    Rate This!

    3.29 Goofballs of 5
    83 Viewer(s) rated

    Rating the content is for registered users only.

    Section Features
  • Top Ranked Items
  • One Year Ago
    College student files suit for $1.8M saying Las Vegas hooker didn't spend enough time with him
    A New York college student who claims a Las Vegas hooker did not spend enough time making him happy has sued ...
    01.21.2011

    Man Gets Probation For Deer Sex
    SUPERIOR, Wis. - A 20-year-old man received probation after he was convicted of having sexual contact with ...
    01.12.2011

    Want to Touch My Monkeys
    A man with a mysterious bulge under his T-shirt was stopped, searched and detained at Mexico City's international airport after authorities found 18 tiny endangered monkeys in a girdle he was wearing ...
    08.02.2010

    Woman Says Bowel Caused Alleged Shoplifting
    A woman arrested for shoplifting has blamed the crime on irritable bowel syndrome ...
    08.01.2010

    Two Years Ago
    Transvestites On Trial For Theft
    SHANGHAI – Five Filipino transvestites have gone ...
    11.14.2009

    Woman Pleads Guilty In Road Rage / Salad Dressing Case
    BOISE, Idaho – An Idaho woman accused of ramming her ...
    11.13.2009

    Man Who Threw Feces In CA Courtroom Gets 31 Years
    A man who sneaked a bag of his feces into a San Diego courtroom during his home-invasion robbery trial, smeared it on his lawyer and threw it at jurors has been sentenced to 31 years in prison.
    10.28.2009

    Nude Man Accused Of Pounding On Cars On A Highway
    A man who told officers he was a ...
    10.11.2009

    Lookie Here!

    Goofball Facts
     
    23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopyThe phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from and old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.