The Mathematics of Sex
By: JSkills	Published: 09/29/2000
All right. This might be an easy target, but I saw something today that definitely surprised me a little bit. A federal bankruptcy judge in Los Angeles has awarded $450 million to Anna Nicole Smith (former Playboy Playmate and Guess? jeans model), saying she was deprived of her share of her late husband's estimated $2 billion estate. In this story of the 89-year-old billionaire and his buxom young bride, the judge ruled Smith's stepson tried to interfere with her inheritance from J. Howard Marshall II – the elderly Texas oilman who met Smith when she was just a topless dancer at a Houston strip club. The judge awarded the 32-year-old Smith - also known as Vickie Lynn Marshall (or "Miss Cleavage" to her late husband's son) - the incredible sum of $449,754,134. Why this number? It was the amount that stock in Marshall's company, Koch Industries, arose during their 14-month marriage. The judge also ruled that Smith also may be entitled to punitive damages. Smith, a ninth-grade dropout and former chicken restaurant worker, met Marshall in 1991 while she was a dancer at Gigi's in Houston. Soon, she became "the light" of his life, as he showered her with money and jewels (as well as some of his body fluids I'd imagine). In 1994, after Smith made her own name as Playboy's Playmate of the Year, the 26-year-old model married Marshall - a real spring chicken at age 89. Now how did she suddenly go from fast food topless dancer girl to getting a shot at Playboy. Maybe it was sugar daddy’s connections? This girl would still be picking up dirty dollar bills with her ass cheeks if this mad old coot didn’t come along with his wrinkled stiffy. Does anyone really believe she married him for love and not the duckets? If he were an 89-year-old poor man trying to grab some lap dance action, would she have even gave him a second chance? And the other fact is that in six of the old boy’s wills, Ms. Mammalian Protruberances was no where to be even mentioned. Did the fact that she was riding the old guy and blowing his mind really make the stock rise in the company over the 14 months they were married? I truly doubt it. And let’s break this down. Let’s say they had sex every day of that 14 month period. 14 months x 30 days = 420 sexual sessions $449,754,134 / 420 = $1,070,843.18 for each time they had sex - if they had sex every day of their marriage. I wouldn't normally look at marriage this way, believe me. But make no mistake, this marriage was nothing more than a business arrangement. Now I know Anna is a mega babe and all. Her body has been officially classified as an amusement park. I know we’d all breast feed until we were 16 years old if she were our mom. I'm sure it could likely be the greatest sex a mortal man could ever have. But over a million dollars per sexual encounter? Come on now. To quote Eddie Murphy, “for that kind of money, that pussy better have a Superman cape hanging out of it”. Some time ago, I planned a bachelor party for one of my best friends. Following the crude traditions laid before us, we hired three pairs of strippers to come in and put on a little lesbian show for everyone. Also included in the deal was “full service” for the groom and best man. Now since we are way too old for that kind of stuff at this point, both the groom and I passed off our “full service” to some of the more eager young single guys in the crew, who were quite happy to have a passionate meaningful experience over the sink in the men's room. Let's face it, men act silly around strippers. So anyway, the entertainment bill that night came to around $1,800. Let’s break that down shall we. These "entertainers" would come in, perform an insane lesbian show for the crowd and then go off and have sex with someone - all for $300 each per girl. And I’m quite sure they didn’t even get to keep all of that money themselves either. Their driver (ahem) pimp was the guy collecting the cash. So instead of screwing his son out of $450 million dollars, why didn’t old J. Howard Marshall use his head and just hire a different set of girls to give him “full-service” each night? It would have been a lot cheaper. 14 months x 30 days x $600 per pair of call girls = $252,000 Now that’s a sum of money a billionaire could have written off as a business expense. Maybe he could even claim it under his medical coverage – under “relaxation therapy” or something? Why not join the rest of us on the inside and get all of Goofball.com?
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hi (0 replies) started by bozbear (11.01.2000 8:37:08 PM EST) hi

Devil's advocate! (0 replies) started by luvly1 (10.28.2000 5:18:54 PM EST) JS, PLEASE! Spare me! I thought that u were more cerebral than that! Let's get down to the real nitty gritty here! "Birds of a feather..." yadayada...! Anna Nichole is certainly no high-bred debutante, and whatever class she has is no more than LOW! However,when you get down to the brass tacs of it all, Mr.Marshall did not achieve his assets by means of VIRTUOSITY and/or nobility! Speaking of which...where was this loving family while 89 year old feeble minded/stripper loving Marshall was so very ill??????? She sure kept a smile on the old geezers face ... of course while propping him up half dead! She might have "blown his mind",along with other things,...and the stock may have risen,...along with other things! She however, was still his wife and therefore equally entitled to whatever the courts see fit! Every, single day people marry for money and all sorts of the wrong reasons! What the hell makes this story so unique? NOTHING, from my perspective! Men...manipulate as well as many women! NO BFD! She was a stripper...he was a pervy...they both got what they wanted. He died and she being his widow got what legally she was entitled to. MORALS,...neither had any! Big woop! ha! luvly1

We're all whores... (0 replies) started by iluvpie (10.24.2000 10:42:54 AM EST) Personally, I think she's nasty. Though if she paid me a million a session, you can can me a nasty, dirty whore. The thing about pussy is that it always wants you to commit to it, but never wants you to actually have it.

DAMN OL BASTARD (0 replies) started by fillionrj (10.11.2000 9:22:01 PM EST) FUCK ME, FOR A MILLION BUCKS A NIGHT I'D HAVE GOTTEN IMPLANTS AND A SEX CHANGE FOR THE OL DIRTY BASTARD...

shes a moron (0 replies) started by Anonymous Goofball (10.10.2000 10:47:49 PM EST) shes a slut what can u say?

What a moron (0 replies) started by Anonymous Goofball (10.06.2000 11:33:20 PM EST) What the fuck was that wrinkled sac of senility thinking? Anna Nicole Smith is disgusting. Here are Adam's top 3 reasons why Anna Nicole Smith is nasty. 1)Loose.......Need I say more? 2)Look at her, she may have nice tits but she looks like something out of Russia. 3)She is morally and ethically deficient.........and its doubtful that she has one item of clothing that isn't covered in semen stains.

what to do (0 replies) started by hardball (10.06.2000 1:30:36 PM EST) The son should break into a hospital lab and steal cancer and aids tainted blood and make that whore drink it. Gun's Gun's we need more Gun's, what for, to preserve freedom.Don't ask what you country can do for you. Get off your lazy fat ass and get a fucking job.

rocking (0 replies) started by benalbert (10.05.2000 8:05:48 PM EST) this site rocks! yes! Ben

she's a fuken whore (0 replies) started by Anonymous Goofball (10.05.2000 1:39:04 PM EST) A ho is a ho is a ho. Dont matter if the bitch is young old rich poor ugly or beautiful. Anna Nicole Smith is a dirty scanky fuking ho.

wheres my $$ (0 replies) started by dancinjenny (10.04.2000 12:16:07 PM EST) dammit..i've got more boobs that i can handle..where's my $$$!!! but for real....shit..i'd do it too..who is this whore tryin to kid..she was in it for the money..i would be too! thre's nothing attractive about an 89 year old man..saggy balls, saggy ass...shit ..i wonder if he could even get it up! they didnt' have viagara yet did they? ....eww..damn..i don;'t think i could go down on a 90yr old...i get queasy thinking about it!!! but for $450 mill...i think i could stomach it...

she's nasty (0 replies) started by tonyman72 (10.03.2000 12:41:42 PM EST) I would have spent my money a little more wisely. I think she is nasty drippy piece of shit and a fuck form her wouldn't be worth 2 pennies

Not bad going for an old boy (0 replies) started by peterli (10.03.2000 10:55:03 AM EST) If I was 89 and could still pull chicks 60 years my junior, guess I would die happy, sod the lot of them and give the money to save the ferrets or something, after all she married him for better or worse...... My brain hurts

annanicole (0 replies) started by DaveMan (10.02.2000 4:44:54 PM EST) more power to her! seems to me the son's only bitchin' now that daddy's dead and he has to share. if he or anyone else in the family was really worried about pops and his money, they should have stopped it long before they got hitched!!!

Obvious (0 replies) started by johnny9 (10.02.2000 3:03:25 PM EST) It is obvious that for some reason this old guy found something more than sex in Anna. This guy had A LOT of money. In one hour, he could "rent" as much sex as anyone of us could handle in a lifetime. (maybe that is what killed him) He liked the girl for whatever reason, they married and she got "taken care of". Case Closed! By the way, I heard that they only really had SEX once a month...that would make it around $32,000,000 per session. WOW! Ca-ching....

Thats only about 25% (0 replies) started by RedNeckedTulsan (10.02.2000 1:49:28 PM EST) The figure is big for the average person but its only a quarter of the 2 Billion estate(when we are talking that kind of money i think the B should be a capital letter). Now if the estate was say 1 million(a more "reasonable" amount to contest in a will) then 250,000 for the surviving wife would of been seen as either reasonable or that she was somehow being screwed. Yes its a lot of money, but i bet the tax man is already rubbing his greedy little hands at the thought of how he is going to get his share and he didn't even have to screw an 89 year old wrinkly to get it either.On thinking about it i reckon i could hump an 89 year old woman at 1 million a pop.

damnit, I was so stoned last night... (0 replies) started by SuicideKing (09.30.2000 12:57:03 PM EST) I forgot to log in for my comment below...that's me right down there "How would life be if the world smoked weed, guaranteed there'd be peace not greed, we're safe as hell, livin' in a cell, legalize the planet, only time will tell..."

now that's one hell of a pension plan (0 replies) started by Anonymous Goofball (09.29.2000 10:43:02 PM EST) does that come with the 401k and health coverage?

i like the old coot... (0 replies) started by mistik69 (09.29.2000 8:18:46 PM EST) that fucker got his wrinkley pecker and balls rocked off. He knew he was a goner... why not go out with a "bang" and create a bunch of controversy with the greedy fucks waiting for him to kick the bucket. Damn.......

I think he did it... (0 replies) started by prophet303 (09.29.2000 7:44:11 PM EST) All the money in the world means nothing after you're dead. I think he wanted some booty while he was alive, and he wanted to be remembered, thats why she's all over the news. She wants to be it was his last wish John Smith

Give her the money (0 replies)   started by BriRedfern (09.29.2000 2:25:48 PM EST) If you were a billionaire, wouldn't you let this chick do whatever she wanted after you were dead? Considering the serviced that the wrinkled old man must of gotten while he was alive, it sounds like a deal to me. Here's hoping that I am gettin' riden high and hard when I'm 89.

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